The Exchange Theory
I consider love, respect, acceptance, good
physical appearance, marriage, equal division of labour and money to be
rewarding. In applying the exchange theory to my family I realize that often
times I feel as though the exchange in this relationship is not equitable but
one- sided. My partner is very lazy and in order to get him to assist with
chores in the house I have to quarrel all time. Usually after a quarrel he will
make effort in pulling his weight but after a few weeks he will go back to the
lazy attitude. I now have to wonder if this is resulting from the fact that
women are expected to be performing all the household chores. Despite this
problem I now realize that I remain in this relationship because the other
rewards outweigh the cost of his laziness.
Similarly I have a
friend who got married immediately after graduating from college and they have
a 2 years old son. In her relationship the husband will cheat on her repeatedly
with several women, most of them she knows. It often causes her to be depressed
and she still remains in the relationship because she is unemployed and she
views her marriage and family life as rewarding. In essence because she is
dependent on him she has little power in the relationship which causes him to
abuse her emotionally.
I like this theory
because I believe that there should be equity or fairness in the relationship.
No one person should have to bear all the burden or responsibilities. If you
are unable to assist with the proper functioning of the family in one way you
should be able to contribute in another way. Once both partners agree on what
is fair then the relationship will be able to thrive.
I too believe that once both of you agreed to something then it should work, however it don't always work that way. During my dating and courtship we agreed on things such as sharing chores and responsibilities in the house. Might i add, it was a mutual agreement but upon marriage all that has changed and my lazy husband decided not do any of such things. As you said Kris, you have to curse out your partner for him to pull his weight I too am experiencing the same thing. This were the term reciprociy comes in. "If he does nothing he gets nothing, in Jamaican term him nu do nu wok him nu get nu sal or you lack shop pan im."
ReplyDeleteAt the same time we are constrain by our choices. We decided to be with someone so we stick out whether it is good or bad or until our cup run over. That is when we can no longer take what is being offered or when the cost is greater than the reward.